Reflections on a Nightmare
by Aqua-Pacifica
Summary: A short, originally posted on SS. In honor of David Hedison.


Reflections On A Nightmare by Pauline

_A WHN for the fourth season episode "Nightmare." First posted on Sub-pen._

Nelson looked up from the report he was reading as his office door opened and his secretary, Angie entered the office.

"Sorry to disturb you, Admiral, but if you don't need me anymore I'll be leaving now."

Nelson glanced at his watch. "Is it that time already?"

Angie smiled. "Yes. Do you need anything before I go?"

Nelson shook his head. "No, that's fine, Angie, you go on home. Have a good evening."

"Thank you, sir. Good night."

"Night, Angie. See you tomorrow."

Nelson watched her leave and close the door. The office was suddenly quiet. He closed the file and rested his elbows on the desk. Running the Institute and operating _Seaview_ was very complex and time consuming. There were countless things that needed to be kept on top of and while some of them fell to _Seaview_'s captain, as director of NIMR, the ultimate responsibility was his. That meant piles of lab reports, government memorandums and correspondence from all over the world to review. He usually had to take a full briefcase with him when _Seaview_ left on one of her many missions. This last mission had been no exception. But that had all been forgotten at the end….

Pushing to his feet, Nelson walked over to the window overlooking _Seaview's_ secret underground sub pen. Beyond, the ocean was restless, much like his thoughts. He stood for a moment, shoving his hands into his pockets. He would have walked down the corridor to Lee's office and invite his friend to dinner, only Lee was at home, on leave. What had happened on the last cruise had been terrifying. He'd talked to the lad, explained how the aliens had created the deadly illusion. The nuclear missiles, Patterson dying, being shot by his commanding officer… Nelson cringed at that. It would have seemed like the ultimate betrayal. Will Jamieson, _Seaview's_ CMO, wasn't convinced that the young man was not totally over the experience. But if Lee wasn't prepared to admit that there was a problem, Harry wasn't going to order him to talk. Lee was a professional and would never allow his personal feelings to interfere with his duty. The only thing they could do was to be there if and when Lee decided to talk. Still he didn't like the thought of Lee sitting at home, brooding about events. Lee had a tendency to hide his emotions and bottle things up; it was what made him such a good captain. Lee was stubborn and would never show weakness or ask for help. The crew trusted him to get them through, no matter what. Harry counted himself lucky that Lee had allowed him past the barriers and the two had become good friends – who was he kidding; Lee was more like a son. It was only natural that a father would be worried about his son.

_Huh, now where had that come from?_

Turning, he walked back towards the desk. Lee was a very independent and private person and would not trouble others with his problems. Sometimes, you needed to take the bull by the horns. Taking his jacket from the back of the chair, he headed out, locking the door behind him and making for his car.

Lee Crane sat on the beach, knees drawn up and his arms wrapped around his long legs. His black leather jacket was draped across his shoulders. There was something restful in the sound of the ocean, the big swell and foaming waves crashing onto the beach. The sky was dark and threatening rain.

He was having a hard time coming to terms with what had happened on their last cruise. He understood, recognized, knew, that it had been an alien in human form who had put him through the nightmare. The trouble was that now it was a nightmare from which he couldn't escape. He still couldn't silence the nagging doubts that troubled him. Nelson had explained that it had all been down to mind control, he hadn't really been shot. But it had been only too real at the time. He'd lived the nightmare, experienced the pain of the gun shot. Although a part of him had known that it was not really Nelson. The one small victory was that he'd managed to destroy the missile.

They had no sooner returned to Santa Barbara than he and Nelson had been summoned to the Pentagon. Washington had not been happy that Fail Safe had been over-ridden and a missile fired, and the Russians hadn't been happy about it either. Moscow had only been placated by the fact that the missile had been aimed at the United States. As usual, the news had been kept under wraps. The public would never know how close the world had come to destruction.

Lee had been questioned separately at length. He knew the score, he was part-time ONI and was used to being interrogated. This time was over the top, though, with a half dozen psychiatrists and psychologists in on the grilling. They must have believed him just a little - Nelson's testimony had no doubt carried a lot of weight - and he'd been cleared to return to duty.

What was left behind was the self-doubt. It wasn't the first time he'd been compromised, taken over and controlled by someone or something. There were enemies everywhere, and he'd managed to fight them off. This time. That was maybe the biggest nightmare of all.

He didn't think that Jamie was entirely convinced that he was completely back to normal, although he'd released him from Sick Bay once the burns onhis hands had started to heal. When he had woken up in sickbay, confused and exhausted, he'd found Doc, Nelson and Chip hovering around him. At first he hadn't been certain if they were real, and it took a lot of convincing to get him to understand that it was all over. On the voyage home, he'd managed to persuade everyone that he was fine. He'd become very adept at hiding the truth. Since then his sleep had been interrupted by the shock of seeing Bentley 'returned' from the dead, the farce of the trial, the threats and taunts until he'd finally been forced to kill his friend and surrogate father. Only in his dream, the nightmare never ended. Nelson was really dead, the U.S. had been destroyed, and it was all his fault. Now that he was home, he'd had too much time to reflect. He was still shaken up and feeling more than a little frayed around the edges.

Lee dragged his mind back to the present as a flash of lightning illuminated the sky, closely followed by a loud boom of thunder. The waves were creeping higher up the sand, driven by the wind and incoming tide, crashing against the rocky outcrop at the end of the beach. The wind off the ocean ruffled his hair. Lee shivered and slipped his arms into the sleeves of the jacket, wrapping his arms across his chest. He should be heading back before the heavens opened and he was soaked. Another flash of lightning illuminated the clouds, followed closely by a rumble of thunder that seemed to reverberate around the empty shore. Whatever else was going on in his life, he loved the sea in all her moods.

Lee climbed to his feet and brushed the sand from his jeans before heading up the path to the house. It wasn't a good idea to be on the beach in a storm.

Headed out along the back road, Nelson grumbled to himself that Lee chose to live in such a remote location. He knew that he would never entice Lee away from the lighthouse. Lee loved everything connected to the sea. Nelson couldn't think of a more appropriate place for Lee to make his home, except maybe a boat. _Heaven forbid. _He had enough trouble keeping track of Lee as it was.

Lightning flashed as Nelson turned onto the single track road that led to the lighthouse. He hoped that Lee was safely inside and not out on the beach.

"Admiral, come in," Lee closed the door and led Nelson through to the lounge. "What brings you out here, sir? Is something wrong?" Lee asked, gesturing towards an armchair.

"Does something have to be wrong for me to visit a friend?" Nelson replied, sitting down.

"Of course not, Admiral. Would you like a drink?" Lee quickly changed the subject.

"Thank you," Nelson nodded. "I would have brought some takeout, but it would have gone cold before I got here."

"That's okay, Admiral." Lee moved to the sideboard to pour the drinks.

Nelson waited until Lee returned with the drinks. "Lee, are you all right?" he asked gently. Lee looked tired and the five o'clock shadow made him look even more so.

Lee nodded. "I'm fine, Admiral."

"All right, I won't push you, but I'm here if you want to talk about it."

Lee bowed his head, fiddling with his glass. "I just need some time. There are some things I need to work through."

"Have you eaten? Nelson ventured.

Lee shrugged. "I had a little breakfast. I haven't been very hungry. Nothing to worry about, sir."

Nelson sighed to himself. A 'little breakfast' probably meant a cup of coffee and half of a left-over doughnut. _Damn your stubborn streak, Lee Crane!_ He wondered how far he dared to push Lee before he told him to get out. Despite their friendship and his rank, Lee wouldn't hesitate to tell him respectfully to 'butt out and leave him alone.' Putting his own drink down, he pushed to his feet. "Come on lad, you need to eat, I'm buying."

"Admiral, you don't have to-"

Nelson held up a hand. "Lee, don't argue with a superior officer," he interrupted. "Besides, you know what Doc would say."

"Aye, sir." Lee gave him a shy smile. "Dinner sounds good, thank me get my jacket. How's it looking out there, Admiral?"

"I expected it to start pouring the whole time it took me to get here. We're going to get it before too long, I'm sure."

The famous Lee Crane grin started slowly and get bigger. "So taking the Cobra is out of the question?"

Nelson shook his head, a grin spreading across his own features. It was good to see Lee smile.

*End*

5


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